Going to Singapore
“ John, have you finished packing your luggage?” My noisy mother questioned. “ Yes…yes I have finished mom.” I replied feeling annoyed. We were going to migrate from our home state, New York, to a country in Asia called Singapore. I was reluctant to go to Singapore at first as I was going to go to a strange environment and there was no one that I knew plus my friends said that Singapore was a very scary place and the folks over there speak a strange language called “Singlish ”, but my mother insisted as she had recently lost her job and wants to go to Singapore to start over, so I agreed to go. Before long, we were on board a plane that was heading towards Singapore.
“ We are arriving at Changi international airport soon, we hope that you have a wonderful time here, good bye.” The flight attendant said to us. I looked out of the window pane and saw an eerie pitch black airport and thought “ Oh no.” We checked in to a hotel nearby to stay temporarily until we could find a suitable house. I could barely sleep that night as my mind was filled with visions of what unfortunate things would happen to me in school.
“Ring…ing…ing” my noisy and annoying alarm clock rang. I opened my panda looking eyes and stared at the ceiling,” Looks like the first day of hell has begun.” I thought. I lazily strolled out of my room to the kitchen where I saw my mother preparing breakfast for me. I sat down on my chair and stared at my food, I had no appetite. So I picked up my utensils and started to fiddle around with them. “My mother saw what was happening and consoled me, “Don’t feel sad, school’s going to be fun! There certainly would be at least one person that would be willing to be your friend.” I look at her and gave her a blank smile. After breakfast, I changed into my school uniform went off with my mother to school.
“Hey John, listen, your new school is called Garden institution, I heard that it is pretty good and it has produced many scholars.” My mother explained to me while we were getting into the taxi which my mother flagged down. “Even though a school can produce a lot of scholars that does not mean that there would be no bullies.” I thought. The journey from the hotel to school flew by quickly, before I knew, I had already arrived at my school.” Remember, your class is 1S2.” My mother explained to me before I got out of the taxi. I nodded and went out of the taxi towards the school.
It looked very old and torn down, like the kind of place bullies would go to. I looked around and saw many unfamiliar faces all rushing past me. I was shy of asking anyone for directions, so I decided to go and walk around to find my class. After minutes of walking around the maze-like school, I finally saw “1S2”, my classroom. My heart was racing around in my body, I felt like there were butterflies in my stomach flapping around. My body was shaking non-stop.
As I finally decided to take the first step into the class room, I suddenly felt a strong but warm hand reach out and pat on my shoulder, I nervously turned around. “ Hi, are you our new classmate from New York? Welcome! My name is Randy and I am the class chairman, let me introduce you to our classmates.” I felt surprised at what had just happened. Could I be wrong about these Singaporeans all this while? Randy brought me inside the class and started introducing me to our classmates,” This is…and this is…and this is…”
I felt a sense of relief right after we finished the introduction. Everyone here is so kind and caring! I could not believe I was scared of coming to this kind of place. At the end of the day, everyone in the class became my friends.
Yong Heng, your premise here is a good one; moving to a new country is a situation frought with conflict and change. But to be honest, I kept waiting for your story to start, even after I finished this. Your piece seems like the prologue for an actual story, like it's setting something up, but that story never comes through.
ReplyDeleteEverything about packing for the trip, then arriving in Singapore, then (without any transition) starting the first day of school has no emotional heft to it right now. Even though the narrator feels worried about living and going to school in a new place, he just kind of goes along with everything, and then the story ends.
So my suggestion for your rewrite is to start as the protagonist is stepping onto the school grounds for the first time, and show part of his first day. That way you can explore any preconceptions he might have had about Singaporean schools, any culture clashes that might occur with his classmates, and how people react to the new ang moh student in school.
And while I appreciate your willingness to include sensory details, don't let them get out of control. "My heart was racing around in my body, I felt like there were butterflies in my stomach flapping around" is unintentionally comical (I pictured his heart bouncing around inside his body cavity like a pinball). Don't go over the top with these types of descriptions.